A New Phase of Life

A New Phase of Life

It's the Christmas season of 2019. I'm 30. I have a man moving in with me. My mother is gone. I'm about to be making more money than I have before. Life is very different than it was this time last year. This time last year, I was unhappy and saw no end to the misery in sight. I had no idea that it would get worse before it got better.

Last Christmas I was miserably sick with a cold. My heart was so bitter that I chose to not get anyone Christmas presents last year. The financial burden didn't allow me to take part so I chose to sourly forego the process. It was the first year that we were going to my sister's house for Christmas morning and I should have stayed home. I was dozing off at the table, allergic to the dog, couldn't breathe and had no presents to give. Despite that, my family still gifted me several items. It wasn't a great picture. I felt silly for undertaking such a miserly attitude. I silently vowed to myself to never do this again.

I was living at home, having just sold my condo. I wouldn't move out again until May. That was a long spring. My mother and I were constantly snapping at each other because we wanted different things for my future. We were, honestly, on each other's last nerve. I needed to get out of there. If I could go back, I would hug her harder every day. We had no idea that it was our last season of life together. A blessing in disguise that I lived at home and got to see her so much before she went? A wonderful weird circumstance that Dan got to spend time with her that he wouldn't have gotten to if I had already been in the new house. I'm in awe of coincidences sometimes.

Despite my hard spring of 2019, I was given a spark of happiness that I could pursue. I had plenty of time on my hands in January and February, allowing me to go to Knoxville to visit some friends. I needed to get out of the house and stop wallowing in my depression. I was visiting mostly Jordan, genuinely crashing his close friend gathering. I have a feeling that he knew I needed some laughter and distraction in my life. He's a good friend. In that group was Dan. I had met him once before and we had a bit of a spark, but as he would say to me, he was "1000 miles away;" there wasn't much to follow up on besides sporadic texting. After a weekend of mixed signals, I got up the courage to ask why he hadn't made a move. He took forever to respond, claiming he wasn't sure that I was interested and that I could have just been being very friendly. I was livid. I didn't realize I needed to throw myself at him even harder than I had. And so we begun a period of getting to know each other via texts, phone calls and Face Timing. I went up to NYC first. Then he came down. Then he came down again. Then there was love. Now he's moving to Nashville and into my home and heart. I am not sure that I would've been able to get through this year without him. 

If I had been asked last year what my life would have looked like 365 days later, I would never have been able to say that this is what I would have said. I would alter a couple of things, but I would keep others. 2020 may be the best year of my life, but who knows. I'll report back in 365 days.